Cuts Deep

This week’s message covers a topic of forgiveness and it’s unfortunate partner, betrayal. I’s a weighty subject, but important to talk about, and one that I keep encountering as of late in my work with clients. It can be a difficult place to get to, but once it occurs is liberating. Forgiveness does not mean condoning bad behavior, it means letting go of the anger and resentment over an act of betrayal. While forgiving someone benefits them it also, more importantly, benefits us.  Holding onto anger can feel like a fester sore that never heals. It colors the lens that we view the world through and shuts us off from allowing good things to come through.

One thing I’ve noticed when working with clients over the years are the stages that one has to go through in order to get to the place where they can forgive.  It can take time, especially when you’ve felt particularly betrayed by someone. Oftentimes the shock when the incident occurs can leave you feeling like you’re able to cope and move through it with ease, but then the reality of the situation hits and then the anger comes flooding through. Is the anger justified? You bet it is. And it is necessary to allow it in order to move through it. When you’re able to allow yourself time to be in this state and not make yourself wrong for it – really feel it – then it’s easier to get to the other side without staying forever stuck in it.

Another thing that often shows up after an act of betrayal is depression, which is actually anger turned inward. The bummer about depression is that it can take all of the joy out of life. How do you move through? By reaching out. It’s imperative that you find a network of support, whether through friends, family or a professional. When you’re in the midst of hurt it can sometimes feel like it will never end. It’s excruciating. But time and time again I’ve seen the other side of it, those who bravely face it head on, feel the pain, and move toward forgiveness and greater awareness. This message is once again a repost, but such a good one that it’s definitely worth the repeat.

Wishing you all a peaceful heart.

With Love.

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From Over There:

"Betrayal arises from the perpetrator's inability to be truthful. This can happen through fear of consequences, lack of maturity, or through actions that the perpetrator feels to be inappropriate and still continues to act upon. Whatever the cause, it is the rebuilding of trust that creates healing - if both parties are open. The perpetrator must first prove through action that the offensive behavior has stopped, and the receiving individual must be open to change from the other. Patience will be needed as it is through repeated new action by the perpetrator that trust is rebuilt. This new action must come from the perpetrator's own desire for change, and not from the one acted upon.

Many times, the relationship is forever changed, and whether it continues or ceases, much growth can occur. It is openness to this growth that moves both parties forward into a richer awareness of life."

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Featured Guest: International Forgiveness Institute

The International Forgiveness Institute is dedicated to helping people gain knowledge about forgiveness and to use that knowledge for personal, group, and societal renewal.

Since 2002, the IFI has focused almost exclusively on a new and challenging activity—the development of forgiveness education curricula for children in war-torn, impoverished, and/or oppressed areas of the globe. Our classroom research shows that as children learn about forgiveness, their levels of anger go down. Our theory is that such anger reduction in students will help them improve their interpersonal relationships to the point that they can begin to see, as they mature into adults, the best path toward justice. We believe that forgiveness education is one path toward peace. For more information please visit international forgiveness.com. 

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If you'd like more information, to book an appointment, or check out the current class schedule, please visit molliejensen.com.

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