An Honest Reaction

When pondering this week’s message I completely agree that to feel fully free to speak the truth you must first be (at least somewhat) unattached to the fallout of what you disclose. This can be difficult when telling someone something that you know may hurt them, but I’ve found that taking full responsibility for your words is vital to moving through and on to resolution. Accepting responsibility also lessens any potential defensiveness from the delivery and feels more authentic to the one on the receiving end.

On the other hand, I believe that parts of the message this week don’t necessarily apply to certain work related situations. Why yes, while I think it’s ALWAYS important to hold yourself accountable for what is being said, I’m not quite sure being in an unattached state of mind is as helpful. For instance, the practice of sales is solely based on focusing intention on a particular reaction from the recipient of the information. Sales wouldn’t be sales without it. And what about lawyers? This line of work is all about how well an argument is delivered. Definitely a form of manipulation and you couldn’t be a successful lawyer without it. 

My point in all of this is to know when to turn it on and turn it off in regard to personal vs. work-related communications. No one wants to feel as if they’re constantly being sold on an idea or situation. I know for me that when I’ve had people in my life that are constantly “on” (ie, in selling mode) it’s hard to decipher whether they’re being truthful or not. It feels as if there is a constant undercurrent of manipulation taking place. Though I’m certainly not condoning dishonesty in any form, I do know that sometimes it’s necessary to use a little sales tactics or present a good argument at work to move ahead and get things done – it just  isn’t the best form of communication in building strong, honest personal relationships.

With Love.

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From Over There:

“When speaking the truth it is important do so without expectation to reaction. When one speaks truthfully with an attachment to the desired outcome, one runs the risk of censorship of oneself, sabotaging the act of full disclosure. The consequences of disclosing the truth may be assuaged in the delivery of information. To deliver through the heart with sincerity and an acceptance of responsibility for the information opens the possibility of honest dialog between parties. To deliver with an agenda creates the possibility of attempted manipulation by the bearer of information. In the presence of manipulation there can be no real truth.”

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Featured Guest: Seth Godin

Seth Godin has written fourteen books that have been translated into more than thirty languages. He writes about the post-industrial revolution, the way ideas spread, marketing, quitting, leadership and most of all, changing everything.

American Way Magazine calls him, "America's Greatest Marketer," and his blog is perhaps the most popular in the world written by a single individual. His latest book, We Are All Weird, calls for end of mass and for the beginning of offering people more choices, more interests and giving them more authority to operate in ways that reflect their own unique values. To learn more, please visit sethgodin.com.

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It Appears to Me...

Have you ever assumed something about someone, just to find that you were totally off base? Or in reverse, had assumptions made about you? We all have moments where we don’t verbalize something, whether we’re feeling intimidated or have preconceived judgments about someone that keeps us from wanting to communicate. It reminds me of an experience I had some years back when I got in a sledding accident and did a major face plant into a rock buried under the snow. The outcome was a very bruised and swollen face that had me looking like I had just gotten out of the ring with the heavyweight champion of the world. Not exactly a pretty look, but thankfully not permanent damage.

At the time I worked in an office and had a position where I would travel a little here and there for meetings and whatnot, and a few days after the accident had me flying to Los Angeles by myself for one such event. I did my very best to cover the bruising, but there wasn’t much that could be done about the swelling so I went ahead, donned my most professional attire and held my head high while attempting to act like nothing was wrong. Wow, what an experience!

The way I was treated astounded me. People constantly stared at me then quickly looked away when they noticed that I had caught them, and all the while I could feel the assumptions as to how I got in that condition. No one took the time to ask if I was ok or needed help, just nervously stared. It was a huge eye-opener (not so easy through the swelling) for me on how we all make assumptions based on what we’ve experienced, and how that affects our ability and inability to reach out to one another. Since then, I’ve done my best to check myself when sizing someone up before knowing their full story. Sometimes the simplest remedy when you’re unsure of another’s situation is to ask. It definitely would have made things easier for me that day.

Here’s to keeping the lenses upon which we view the world as clean as possible and our ability to connect with one another sparkly clear!

With Love.

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From Over There:

“Perception of another takes places through each individual’s unique lens. No two individuals view reality in the same way. Some will be more aligned with one another, some will have views that are in opposition of one another.  Personal perception occurs from experiences and how one relates to them. Even within the same familial structure there will be variant types awareness, given each member’s personality and role within the group.

It is to understand another that one needs to decipher whether opinion comes from present circumstance or lens of previous experience. It is in doing so that those with variant points of view can build harmonious relationship and peaceful interactions.”

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Featured Guest: Bob Marley

Here’s an upbeat little song from Mr. Marley to help raise our Positive Vibration. 

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Just Say It

Many years ago I was in a relationship where I didn’t feel safe to express my true feelings. It was stifling, and most often I kept things to myself for fear of retaliation. One night while I was particularly frustrated I went on a drive (I know, probably not the best course of action) to clear my head. As I drove I started yelling all of the things that I wasn’t able to say. It came pouring out. As I was doing this I suddenly heard a booming voice say, “The truth will set you free.” Uh, what…??? It was about this time that I decided to pull over and catch my breath. This was, by the way, years before I had any idea that I’d be talking to anyone ‘over there’ on a regular basis, so I was thrown totally off guard.

As I sat by the side of the road (much safer) the phrase, “The truth will set you free” kept playing over and over in my head. An insanely simple concept, but it was still a scary thought and it would be some time before I fully embraced it as a way of life. Nowadays I have absolutely no problem speaking my mind. I firmly believe in complete honesty and have been known to rile things up from time to time because of it. Honestly, I really don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings or leave them feeling attacked, though the truth can sting sometimes.

I’ve been in the position of both the sting-er and the sting-ee, and have discovered over the years that honesty – while it might make for uncomfortable interactions in the present – is so much easier in the long run. It’s the only way to fully process and move through challenging emotions like anger, fear, jealousy and frustration. As the human beings that we are, we all have these feelings and if we want to get through to the other side it first takes an honest view of ourselves, followed by honest expression with others. As corny as it sounds, at the end of the day the best policy really is honesty. And yes, we can all handle the truth – if we allow.

Yours Truthfully.

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From Over There:

“When one denies the truth, one denies the freedom of the soul. Unspoken emotions continue to build and cause chaos within the body and mind. It is of utmost importance to forge relationships where one is allowed to express freely. The relationship initiated on the suppression of one’s expression creates a weak foundation no possibility for continual longevity and happiness. Only through honest interaction can a true relationship be built.”

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Featured Guest: Bye Bye Birdie

I’m being a little on the silly side with this week’s “Featured Guest”. It’s a clip from one of my favorite childhood movies, Bye Bye Birdie. The movie oozes with over-the-top campiness, and the clip is of the song Honestly Sincere. If nothing else, sit back and enjoy and costumes!  

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Louder Than Words

The old phrase “actions speak louder than words” has a lot of merit, but it’s only half the story. Words, when spoken with love and honesty, complete the picture. Though how many times have you had the experience of someone showering you with words of love and support, giving you expectations of a future scenario, only to fall short on promises? I know I have – in both personal and work-related situations – and being the human that I am I’m certain that I’ve been the offender now and then. While I’m by no means trying to let myself off the hook, it’s the manner in which things fall through, the consistency of unfulfilled promises, and the level of importance of said situation to another’s life that counts.

We all have times when we wish we could have followed through a bit better, but when you find that it’s a consistent trait, then trust becomes a big issue. How can you trust someone’s words if they don’t hold any weight by their actions? On the other hand, what about those who act in a loving and supportive way, but can never find the words to express their feelings? While yes, I would definitely choose the relationship with the show of support over empty words, isn’t it better to both show and verbally express your love? To look deep into someone’s eyes and express feelings of true love while accompanied by the actions to support it is the greatest gift anyone can give or receive. It’s what meaningful relationships are built on.

With Love.

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From Over There:

“First comes thought, and then come words, followed by action. This process is necessary in building strong, long-lasting relationships. When there is thought and words without action it creates feeling of betrayal, as the lack of follow-through renders the words meaningless. When there is action without thought, then disregard of another’s well-being and the well-being of the initiator has the potential to create much disharmony in the relationship. The lack of thought demonstrates disrespect for the self and others.

Words following initial thought may be spoken, written or internalized. Words spoken toward another – when done from the heart – have a profound effect on the energy of both the orator and the receiver. This, accompanied by actions related to the words, creates an energetic link. When words are void of love, or are not followed by related action, it weakens the energetic link between individuals. This weakening lessens the feelings of consideration each has for one another. Relationships founded in love, trust and respect will always include the components of thought, word and action.”

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Featured Guest: Marissa & Peter O’Neil

Coastal Inspirations is a book by a father and daughter who invite you to look at the world through a new lens. This creative collaboration generated a turning point in their relationship enabling them to truly see, appreciate, and embrace each other's talents. For this father and daughter collaboration, being on the coast is a time to explore how the serenity, wisdom, and healing power of the sea expands their world.  The book highlights how the insight of thoughtful people can guide others along their path through life. Photographs by the sea are coupled with stimulating quotes to awaken a questioning within, evoke aspirations, and inspire action along your pursuit of life's journey. To learn more, please visit coastalinspirationsbook.com. 

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Take a Break

I write this as I sit gearing up for a busy, fun-filled weekend. I’m excited and looking forward to the various events, but I’ve also had to fight myself a little on the fact that, no, I won’t be getting any work done. As far as my work life goes, I’m a bit of a workaholic – or so a few people around me say – but the thing is, a lot of the work I do I really enjoy. So I sit here getting my head in a space of allowing fun just for the sake of it. Not because it’s productive, not for the sense of accomplishment, but just plain ol’ FUN. It’s freaking me out a little bit, but I’m determined to forge ahead and enjoy every minute.

As Spring begins to turn to Summer, what can you do to slow things down a bit and allow some play time? As much as I like to work, I also know I’m much easier to be around when not in hyper-spastic mode, and I’m rededicating myself balance. It feels pretty good the more I sit with that idea. Will you join me?

Much Love.

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From Over There:

“Take time to enjoy. Allow life to unfold. Balance action with receiving. To be in constant action toward a desired outcome does not allow the joys of each moment to present themselves in ways that can be appreciated or valued. To live without acknowledgement of present time is to disconnect from life as it unfolds. This disconnect creates detachment from true self and with those around you.  Balance between active pursuit and allowing of outcome creates a more harmonious and fruitful existence.”

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Featured Guest: Jeff Davidson

A world that consists of human “doings” – not human beings – scurrying about to get things done, with no sense of breathing space, is not a place where you or I would likely want to live. I don’t want to be part of a culture of overwhelmed individuals who can’t manage their own spaces or the spaces common to everyone. I don’t want to live in a society, or a world, of time-pressed people who have nothing left to leave for future generations. My guess is that you don’t either. 

I choose – I hope – to live in a society composed of people leading balanced lives, with rewarding careers, happy home lives, and enough breathing space to enjoy themselves. I’m convinced that for much of the world, the pace of life will speed up even more. So the future will belong to those people who steadfastly choose to maintain control of their lives, effectively draw upon their resourcefulness and imagination, and help others to do the same. To learn more please visit work-lifebalance.com.

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If you'd like more information, to book an appointment, or check out the current class schedule, please visit molliejensen.com.

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