This week’s message covers a topic of forgiveness and it’s
unfortunate partner, betrayal. I’s a weighty subject, but important to talk
about, and one that I keep encountering as of late in my work with clients. It
can be a difficult place to get to, but once it occurs is liberating.
Forgiveness does not mean condoning bad behavior, it means letting go of the
anger and resentment over an act of betrayal. While forgiving someone benefits
them it also, more importantly, benefits us. Holding onto anger can feel like a fester sore
that never heals. It colors the lens that we view the world through and shuts
us off from allowing good things to come through.
One thing I’ve noticed when working with clients over the
years are the stages that one has to go through in order to get to the place
where they can forgive. It can take
time, especially when you’ve felt particularly betrayed by someone. Oftentimes
the shock when the incident occurs can leave you feeling like you’re able to
cope and move through it with ease, but then the reality of the situation hits
and then the anger comes flooding through. Is the anger justified? You bet it
is. And it is necessary to allow it in order to move through it. When you’re
able to allow yourself time to be in this state and not make yourself wrong for
it – really feel it – then it’s easier
to get to the other side without staying forever stuck in it.
Another thing that often shows up after an act of
betrayal is depression, which is actually anger turned inward. The bummer about
depression is that it can take all of the joy out of life. How do you move
through? By reaching out. It’s imperative that you find a network of support,
whether through friends, family or a professional. When you’re in the midst of
hurt it can sometimes feel like it will never end. It’s excruciating. But time
and time again I’ve seen the other side of it, those who bravely face it head
on, feel the pain, and move toward forgiveness and greater awareness. This message
is once again a repost, but such a good one that it’s definitely worth the
repeat.
Wishing you all a peaceful heart.
With Love.
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From Over There:
"Betrayal
arises from the perpetrator's inability to be truthful. This can happen through
fear of consequences, lack of maturity, or through actions that the perpetrator
feels to be inappropriate and still continues to act upon. Whatever the cause,
it is the rebuilding of trust that creates healing - if both parties are open.
The perpetrator must first prove through action that the offensive behavior has
stopped, and the receiving individual must be open to change from the other.
Patience will be needed as it is through repeated new action by the perpetrator
that trust is rebuilt. This new action must come from the perpetrator's own
desire for change, and not from the one acted upon.
Many times, the
relationship is forever changed, and whether it continues or ceases, much
growth can occur. It is openness to this growth that moves both parties forward
into a richer awareness of life."
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Featured Guest:
International Forgiveness Institute
The International Forgiveness
Institute is dedicated to helping people gain knowledge about forgiveness and
to use that knowledge for personal, group, and societal renewal.
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If you'd like more information, to book an appointment, or check
out the current class schedule, please visit molliejensen.com.
