Kind, Respectful Individual Seeks Same

I have to admit that I recently realized that I had a bit an obsession with running into a couple of people I hardly know, just so I could give them a piece of my mind for having had a part in hurting someone I care deeply for. To give you a little perspective, this incident happened several months ago, and although the individual at the receiving end of the pain has moved on, I’ve been holding onto a grudge the size of Jupiter. You can imagine that this hasn’t been a very pleasant thing to do, and from time to time has distracted me from focusing on the important things in my life – like staying present with those I love. Not to mention that the offending individuals have had no idea what’s been circulating through my mind and therefore have gone on with their lives, seemingly unaffected.

The reason I bring this up is that in sitting myself down and really looking at the situation I came to realize – aside for my anger at their hurting someone I love – that I wanted to hold them accountable for their actions. I wanted to hear them apologize. I wanted them to fully grasp the repercussions of their actions. And I wanted to know if they had learned from their mistake – or if they even viewed it as a mistake in the first place. Basically, I was projecting my own standards of decency upon them, and was very attached to them holding the same standards. It was then that I realized that – whether I feel someone’s actions are wrong or not – everyone has the right to choose how they interact in the world. That’s what free will is all about. And I knew for my own peace of mind it was time to let it go.

We all make mistakes and do things we later regret – we’re human, and like it or not, that’s often how we learn. But when you find yourself confronted with someone whose standards of compassion are completely out of synch with yours it can be unsettling, especially when they appear to lack any concern for the pain they’ve caused. Though at the end of it all the most we can do is hold ourselves accountable for our own actions, and be forgiving of those who make amends for their human errors. We owe it to ourselves and everyone else to be as kind, considerate and respectful as possible. And when someone pops up that can’t or won’t deliver, it just might be time to let them go – whether they’re physically present or just swirling around in your head. 

Here’s to focusing on those who really count…

With Love.

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From Over There:

“Pain is the result of moral standards that have been compromised that one sets for oneself. These standards are different for each individual and are subject to cultural background and familial identity. One is not born with these standards, one is taught these standards. Oftentimes these standards are created as a means for a society to keep its members acting within certain behavioral boundaries. When one knowingly engages in acts that are harmful to another – without fear of consequence – the individual acts through disconnect of their spiritual self. This leads to disharmony in relationships and slows the evolution of humanity, as the actions of each individual are valuable to the whole.

It is the individual who has no need for such standards as a means of behavioral control – yet chooses to interact with those around them with loving kindness that are the most enlightened. To act from the perspective of love for another as a way of life – not as a rigid condition – is the purest form of human connection.”

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Featured Guest: Thich Nhat Hanh

This week I’ll leave you with a quote from Zen Buddhist monk and peace activist Thich Nhat Hanh:  “Listening to and understanding our inner sufferings will resolve most of the problems we encounter.”

Holistic Happiness

This week I want to talk about happiness, or rather, allowing happiness in all areas of life, not just some. I like to refer to this as “holistic happiness”. We all have different things that make us happy, though is there one area in your life in which you ignore your well-being? I know for me, I have a tendency to allow work to take over. I have to consciously make an effort to take care of myself and remember to eat, be social, and allow some down time. It took a while for me to realize that I was doing myself a grave disservice with my workaholic tendencies.

Distracting yourself to avoid feelings that may arise from focusing on a particular area of life is also another thing that can thwart happiness. I call this the pursuing of shiny objects. These are things that present themselves in nice, glossy packages, but lack what you need to be fulfilled. This can happen with work situations, home situations, and yes, people situations. For instance, pursuing work with an organization that may seem to fit in with everything you desire, yet the boss has control issues, is a shiny object that will most likely leave you feeling powerless and undervalued, and distract you from finding a better working situation. Or what about that attraction to an individual with a gorgeous outside wrapper, but nothing inside to offer? This type of shiny object distracts you from noticing those diamonds-in-the-rough that have loving, kind and present insides that are all around you.

So what areas of your life could use better tending to? What shiny objects are you willing to let go of so you can bravely pursue what you deserve? It’s up to you and only you to decide. How cool is that?

With Love.

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From Over There:

“When one chooses to focus only on happiness in one area of life and forsakes happiness in other areas, one is not being true to the whole self. Balance focus on all areas of one’s life – relationship, career, home, family – and allow flexibility in pursuing satisfaction in these areas. It is with flexibility that one may bring more attention to a chosen area when needed, yet not forget the importance of the whole self.”

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Featured Guest: Marci Shimoff, Happy for No Reason

In Happy for No Reason: 7 Steps to Being Happy from the Inside Out, transformational expert Marci Shimoff offers a breakthrough approach to being happy, one that doesn't depend on achievements, goals, money, relationships, or anything else "out there." Most books on happiness tell you to find the things that make you happy and do more of them. Although there's nothing wrong with that, it won't bring you the kind of deep and lasting happiness most people long for -- the kind you'll never lose, no matter what happens in your life. Based on cutting-edge research and knowledge from the world's leading experts in the fields of positive psychology and neurophysiology, plus interviews with 100 truly happy people, this life-changing book provides a powerful, proven 7-step program that will enable you to be happier right now -- no matter where you start. To learn more visit happyfornoreason.com.

Stop Shoulding Yourself

This week I’m, once again, pulling from the archives. I’ve been immersed in book rewriting and holiday festivities which has left me next to no time to write a new post. I thought this one from a couple of years ago was a good one to share, as it talks about the issue of what I like to refer to as “shoulding” yourself. And since I won’t be pushing to cram in a new post because I feel I should, I’m going to take the message’s advice. Maybe there’s something you need to allow yourself to let go of, too.

Allowing a little breathing room.

With Love.

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From Over There:

“Dwelling on what should or should not occur takes away action and possibility of growth. It takes responsibility out of your hands and puts it into the hands of the individual or group whose beliefs you are pushing yourself to subscribe to.

Instead of telling yourself that you should do something, what instead, would happen if you simply decided not to do it? Just not do it. Make a decision instead of being in a perpetual state of limbo. This would free up the time and space around the inaction and create action. Opening to the possibility of something better for you - something that resonates with who you are, and not who or what you are trying to be."

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Featured Guest: Will Return next Week!

Thanks, Giving and Receiving

This coming Thursday is Thanksgiving, the American tradition of eating until we’re stuffed way beyond any comfort level. Along with my love of playing dress up at Halloween, Thanksgiving is one of my favorite holidays. I love the food, I love my family coming together, and I love the opportunity to take a road trip up to the mountains. To me, it’s a time to appreciate abundance and slow down enough to enjoy it.

This week’s message speaks to the necessity of slowing down in order to allow more enjoyment into your life. We all move at such a hurried pace, it’s good to be reminded that shifting into a lower gear now and then is needed to balance the times when you have to rev things up.

Sending my thanks to each and every one of you.

With Love.

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From Over There:

“Patience and stillness are needed in addition to action to increase the flow of abundance. The act of stillness is a state of receptivity, which is needed to allow more abundance into one’s life. If one is in constant action, there may be missed opportunities to receive, as one maybe too focused on a desired outcome to see that there is another, even more beneficial opportunity presenting itself. If one does not use patience to allow desires to materialize, it is a sign of mistrust in the possibility of achieving the desired result. This mistrust sends an opposing signal of that which one wants to manifest – forming a block which slows the process of creation.

It is the balance of stillness and patience with action that creates a dynamic of greater manifestation of that which one desires to come forth, and is necessary in recognizing the self as co-creator. This, in turn, builds self-trust and empowerment – the foundation of an empowered life.”

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Featured Guest: Deepak Chopra

This week’s featured guest is Dr. Deepak Chopra, or more specifically, his center. Dr. Chopra opened the Chopra Center for Wellbeing in 1996 along with David Simon, M.D. to help people experience physical healing, emotional freedom, and higher states of consciousness. Located in Carlsbad, California, they offer a wide variety of programs, retreats, and teacher training programs that integrate the healing arts of the East with the best in modern Western medicine. To learn more, please visit chopra.com.

Me and My Shadow

Many nights I take a walk an hour or two after dinner to release the stress on the day. I enjoy walking around the neighborhood after dark when it’s quiet and no one else is out because it’s easier to let my thoughts wander. The other night it was particularly brisk outside and there was something about how the street lights cast shadows that seemed a bit sharper than normal. As I walked I noticed how my own shadow would shift – sometimes in front of me, sometimes to the side, and sometimes behind me – and every once in a while when the light hit just right there were three shadows at once.

This got me thinking about how my various shadows could be viewed in a symbolic kind of way, as in the past (behind me), the present (beside me), and the future (in front of me). I also noticed that when my “behind me” shadow popped up it made me a little uncomfortable, like someone was following me. Which again got me thinking, this time about how much past pain we allow into our present circumstances. Think about it, if you were able to wave a magic wand and remove all of the past trauma, drama, betrayal, slights, and judgments that you felt at the hands of another, wouldn’t right now feel a whole lot better? This all coincided with a situation for me that brought up some triggers that I swear were from my teenage years. Very old wounds to be sure, and although I practice a method of belief release work on a regular basis, sometimes things have a way of getting buried way…way…way down.  

This leads me this week’s message, which is about the necessity of confronting your shadows on a regular basis. Without doing so the darkness has a tendency to grow, blocking out the light. When you confront the pain it’s like flipping a switch on so you can reveal the situation for what it really is.  And the reality of it just may be buried in the past.

Over here letting some light shine…

With Love.

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From Over There:

“Recognizing and expressing  human emotional pain is necessary to bring forth healing and releasing. When one does not allow the depth of feeling to surface, it forces the pain to be stored in the psyche and energy bodies, creating a perspective of the world based on that pain. This keeps one trapped in the feelings of pain and a reliving of the trauma through present and future relationships. Only when one confronts the pain and allows the feelings to release through the emotions does one begin the healing process, and create life through clearer perspective.”

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Featured Guest: Ruth Kellogg, LCSW

Ruth is a practical coach, who provides in depth counseling, and deep emotional healing. She works both from a traditional psychotherapeutic point of view, as well as from an energetic perspective, using her intuitive skills, along with other varied healing modalities to provide short term counseling, for what otherwise might be long term issues. To learn more, please visit ruthkellogg.com.

All the Time in the World

I admit, once again, that the message below is a repost due to my book rewrites taking over a vast amount of my time. The thing is, if I had been uber-structured with my time I’m sure I could’ve squeezed in something fresh, but instead I decided that some very necessary down time was in order. We all need time now and then to just chill, and I’m notoriously bad at doing that.

So here it is, a message about our concept of time and the structure we create in our lives. I, for one, needed to hear it and I hope it speaks to you too.

With Love.

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From Over There:

"Need for structure has created the concept of parcels of time. This can be useful, yet also a hindrance if one becomes overly attached to this structure. Over attachment impedes flow of possibility and change. Balancing structure and flexibility with time schedules allows for greater action with receptivity. To remain flexible with life as it occurs, while taking action steps toward that which is desired, generates the movement needed for creation of change.

Over attachment to structure creates rigidity and the attempt to control time. In contrast, over attachment to flexibility without form creates aimlessness. With balance, there is action and inaction. There is striving accompanied by rest. Both are of equal value in attaining goals and desires. Both are the foundation for a fulfilling life."

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Featured Guest: Golda Meir

This week I’ll leave you with a quote by Prime Minister Golda Meir:

“I must govern the clock, not be governed by it.”

Move It!

Maybe it’s because of daylight savings time, or maybe it’s the constant stress of trying to get everything done that needs doing, but I woke up Sunday morning with pounding headache and a raging desire to eat an entire pumpkin pie. Thankfully there was no pie in the house or I would have devoured it for sure, and then would’ve have had a pounding stomachache to match the headache.

I sat down to see what this was all about and got very quickly that it had to do with the lack of exercise. I’m usually pretty good about getting out for a walk on a daily basis, but lately all manner of work situations have been getting in the way. Well, to be honest I haven’t been making it a priority and have allowed work to get in the way. Yeah, there’s that personal responsibility thing popping up again...So I threw on my hiking shoes and decided that a real hike was in order, not just my usual-as-of-late walk around the neighborhood.

It’s truly amazing what happens when you allow a tightly wound up body to de-coil itself. As I began down the trail I could literally feel my chest, shoulders and back relax. Being in nature is truly magic for the body and soul. I was reminded the hard way that I need to remember to move my body – especially while overtaxing my mind. This helps keep the overactive brain from blowing a circuit, which is pretty much what I felt like I had done.  After the hike I felt so much better and no longer had a burning desire to down a whole pumpkin pie – just maybe a slice or two.

With Love.

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From Over There:

“The body must experience movement on a consistent basis in order to keep energy flowing. Without movement the energy in the body becomes stagnant and creates lethargy. Movement increases the flow of energy and allows the body to restore itself.  Movement releases excess energy that builds up through persistent fear or worry or anger. This release allows the body to relax and produce regeneration through consistent sleep patterns. Physical movement is necessary for optimal health of the body, and to quiet the mind, and ultimately, for a clear connection to the higher soul’s perspective.”   

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Featured Guest: Lou Reed

In light of Mr. Reed’s recent passing, I chose to feature him this week to honor his creative influence on the world of music. And although I can say with certainty that he wasn’t talking about walking out in the wilderness with this song, it’s one of his major contributions, and well, I like it. This version is a little different than the original: Walk on the Wild Side