Not So Blurry

There’s been a flurry of commentary around Robin Thicke’s music video “Blurred Lines” that has many saying it perpetuates date rape and the objectifying of women. I hadn’t paid much attention to the guy until the controversy erupted – all I knew was that his dad was an actor in some 80s sitcom. I finally decided to check out his video on Youtube after reading an article with his response to all of the hoopla. In the article Thicke says, "For me it's about blurring the lines between men and women and how much we're the same.", alluding that somehow his song and video support the sexual liberation of women. Basically, to call out the contradiction that women often feel between a society’s demand that they be a “good girl” and their own need of fulfilling their sexual desires, that women have the right to be as sexual as men. But then he admits to degrading women in the video as a way of making light of it, "People say, 'Hey, do you think this is degrading to women?' I'm like, 'Of course it is. What a pleasure it is to degrade a woman. I've never gotten to do that before. I've always respected women.' So we just wanted to turn it over on its head and make people go, 'Women and their bodies are beautiful. Men are always gonna want to follow them around.'" Yikes! 

While I’m all for sexual equality and am not offended by nudity, after watching the video I wondered how this guy thought that it in any way was helping the female population. Throughout the video he parades topless women clad only in flesh-colored G-strings with vacant looks on their faces while he, fully dressed, and a couple other dudes, also fully dressed, sing and leer. To add to the insult he shows a woman provocatively playing with a large stuffed dog, another one holding a live lamb (what the???), and then another scene where he pretends to inject a huge hypodermic needle into a woman’s backside (Rohypnol®, anyone?). 

I could go on and on about how wrong (in my opinion) this video is, but that actually isn’t the point of this week’s message so I’ll get off the soapbox now. The point is all of the attention that this guy is getting and the fact that he’s so unaware of what it is that he says he’s trying to support. He’s either stupidly chauvinistic or simply a great marketer…or maybe both. Which finally leads me to this week’s message about finding balance between those things that deserve our attention (creating a more accepting and loving society), and those things that don’t (Robin Thicke and his video). And yes, I know that through this post I'm bringing him more attention, but I think some exposure (pun intended) of his lack of awareness might actually shift a few perspectives on how women deserve to be treated in the media. So let’s call out the misogyny that permeates our culture and have conversations about that so we can begin to create change, and not give Mr. Thicke anymore of our attention…maybe he’ll learn something…

With Love.

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From Over There:

“Focus primarily on that which uplifts society, while bringing awareness to that which degrades as it allows an opening for change to occur. By viewing the issues that degrade members of a society it uncovers behaviors that one may have exhibited without understanding the impact on another. Understanding the impact of a given behavior – those that uplift as well as those that degrade – allows for a shift in perception that creates greater awareness and acceptance. Through this awareness and acceptance one can forge a deeper connection with those actions and thought processes that uplift society. This, in turn, lessens the focus on the offending actions, thus removing power the offender has over the target of the offense. With less power come fewer followers and fewer to imitate the action. With increased focus on that which uplifts come a greater number of those who would follow and imitate the action.”

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Featured Guest: Aretha Franklin

This week’s featured guest is none other than beautiful vocal force, Aretha Franklin. This woman’s musical talent has spanned decades, and she’s gained and maintained respect while in an often male dominated industry without objectifying herself or selling herself short. In honor of this, here is a song of hers that is one of my personal favorites, “Think”.

By the Hammer of Thor

Two of my best friends growing up were of Mexican heritage, and I remember being somewhat jealous of what seemed – in comparison to my bland Nordic ancestry – a rich and vibrant culture. It always felt like I was missing out on something when it came to embracing my own heritage. Not to mention the food. I would not like to live in a world that didn’t include a good mole sauce. And as far as I knew, the only culinary contribution from my people was the sugary breakfast food known as the Danish pastry. I guess you could say that I didn’t feel very connected to my ancestors.

Though as I’ve gotten older I’ve grown to appreciate my Norwegian/ Danish parts, I mean after all, my people were Vikings, and we sure did know how to party. The more I know about my heritage, the more I appreciate and have a sense of pride in what my ancestors have contributed to the world. Each and every culture can look into their past – pushing aside the dysfunction – and find gems worth feeling good about. 

This leads to this week’s message about striking balancing between honoring our heritage and not getting caught up in the stereotypical stories that have the potential to keep us constricted. Embrace where you came from, but keep open to the ever expanding mindset of the global community. In other words, let’s celebrate our diversity by sharing it with one another. And as much as I love the spicy-richness of Mexican food, I can still appreciate a Danish pastry now and then, especially with a nice touch of mole sauce.

With Love.

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From Over There:

“Within each and every one of you is genetic coding that connects you to your ancestors. This coding affects thought patterns beginning at birth and molds the way your culture interacts. This structure has been helpful in the survival of cultures, yet has created a division cross-culturally. It is through the attachment of cultural ideals that disallows growth and evolution toward more unified thought process. It is this pattern that keeps certain cultures closed off and stuck in the mindset of superiority over others. While this occurs, global harmony is not possible.

The values of the ancestors are not always necessary to hold onto for future generations since future generations will not have the same life circumstance or survival experiences as the ancestors. As the systems of survival change, so must the value systems evolve. Through global unification cultures around the planet will create ever expanding tolerance and acceptance of one another. It is not necessary to forgo the celebration of one’s culture in order to gain acceptance, it is in the celebration of one’s culture alongside the cultures of others that creates unification and harmony.”

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Featured Guest: Ancestry.com

 At the risk of being too commercial, if any of you want to play around with genealogy this is the easiest site I’ve played with. Not to mention that they offer a 14-day free trial. To learn more visit ancestry.com.

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Hey, Stop Fighting

Thursday evening I went to bed with a laundry list of things that I wanted to accomplish the following day, though Friday had other plans. I woke up that morning with a stabbing pain in my gut. In true form I stubbornly attempted to go about my day as planned, all the while cursing the pain and its intrusion on my scheduled activities. Doesn’t it know that I have things to do? I don’t have time for this! How rude!

As you can guess, the more I fought it the more it won, until I had to admit defeat and crawl back into bed. I laid there weakly arguing with it a little more before finally letting go and giving into the fact that, no, I wasn’t going to get any of the things done that I mapped out for the day. I took a breath, and then relaxed…

It’s truly amazing what happens when you stop fighting something. The miraculous occurs. It creates space for peace and for a gentler kind of change. I’m very happy to say that within about an hour my stomach started calming down.  It was still a little tender for a while, but who isn’t after they’ve been battled with?  This leads me to this week’s message, which is about the difference between fighting for change and supporting change.  It really is all about perspective and knowing what to let go of. Picking your battles, so to speak, and using the weapons of compassion and focus instead of anger and frustration. My stomach and I are both loving this idea.

With Love.

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From Over There:

“To fight is to confront in anger. This is not the same as self-preserving tactics which are necessary for survival. To protect oneself and others through action while releasing the need to do it through anger or resentment allows potential for a more peaceful outcome. It is through recognizing the underlying reason for pursuing the action that one realizes if the action is based in anger or in a true desire for positive outcome. Through an altruistic perspective one can move toward creating change with a lessened possibility of offending others and creating resistance. It is with this intention as the motivating force behind action where resolution can be found.”

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Featured Guest: Marshall Rosenberg

Most of us have been educated from birth to compete, judge, demand and diagnose — to think and communicate in terms of what is “right“ and “wrong“ with people. We express our feelings in terms of what another person has “done to us.” We struggle to understand what we want or need in the moment, and how to effectively ask for what we want without using unhealthy demands, threats or coercion.

At best, thinking and communicating this way can create misunderstanding and frustration, or simply keep us from getting what we want. It can also keep us from the fulfilling relationships we deserve. And still worse, it can lead to anger, depression and even emotional or physical violence.

Since developing the Nonviolent Communication (NVC) process in the 1960’s, Marshall Rosenberg’s vision has been to teach people of any age, gender, ethnicity or background a much more effective alternative. At present, hundreds of certified NVC trainers and supporters are teaching NVC skills to people from all walks of life around the globe. To learn more, please visit nonviolentcommunication.com.

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Individually Wrapped

This week’s message came to me as I was getting ready to head out for a fun-filled weekend to celebrate the 50^th birthday of a good friend. At the time I really didn’t think it would have much to do with the weekend, but now as I sit, relaxed, post-fun at home I can see that yes, it does indeed have some significance.

About seven of us women converged on the home of one member of the group who happens to live in the lovely little town of Soquel, right on the outskirts of Santa Cruz. On top of being in the midst of a cool group of ladies, the weather gods shone brightly upon us. It was a great weekend, all around. We got along wonderfully, in spite of our varied personalities, backgrounds and life circumstance, which leads to this week’s message, what does it mean to be an individual while we’re all interconnected?

As the message below states, recognizing ourselves as being part of one big cosmic soup is important in that doing so we have a deeper understanding of our impact on others. Though this doesn’t mean that you have to forgo your individuality in order to “be one” with those around you. In fact, individuality is what keeps us moving ahead on the evolutionary wheel. Think of it this way, if a multitude of individuals hadn’t made the decision to step outside the status quo (think Einstein, Gloria Steinem, Steve Jobs …), where would we be?

Yes, it’s important to understand our energetic connection, but let’s not forget the amazing gifts, talents and insights that we each –individually – bring to the table. This is the color that makes our big, beautiful world interesting.

With Love.

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From Over There:

“Do not get trapped inside the lives of others. Love them, but allow them to live as best serves them. This means allowing them to experience the lessons that life presents to them. This means supporting them, without an attempt to control their actions. Each individual has a divine path that is unique to them.

Your interconnectedness is represented in the effect that your actions have on one another, not in the mimicry of another. Comparison to another takes away from the validity of one’s personal gifts and attributes. These attributes are what weave the rich texture of humanity together. For all to be identical, there would be no advancement, no creativity, no inspiration. It is in honoring your oneness through thoughtfulness – not the impersonation of another – that allows the race to flourish and evolve.”

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Featured Guest: George Carlin

Here is an excerpt from George Carlin’s book, Last Words, on the subject of individuality. For any of you who haven’t had the opportunity to hear Mr. Carlin’s reflections, keep in mind that his language is colorful. I don’t know about you, but I sure do miss him.

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Pretty, Much

The other day while hiking my usual trail and avoiding the ubiquitous poison oak I realized that, hey, poison oak is kinda pretty. As I admired from afar how the leaves are now starting to change from green to brilliant red it got me thinking about how although it was pretty, it can cause anyone who comes in contact with it a whole lot of irritation. And then of course my mind started churning, as it does, and it came to the topic of physical beauty.

Like it or not, we all – to some extent – judge one another based on our version of physical attractiveness. A lot has been written about our aversion to what we find unattractive, but what about our aversion - or irritation - to what we find too attractive? Yes, it’s there, and we judge people based on that as well. This came glaringly home to me the other day when I realized that I judged someone’s actions by being surprised at their depth. I realized that I had expected them to be more shallow, because well, they’re pretty. I also realized that I’ve had this negative judgment in the past, whereby I’ve assumed that someone with above average looks probably hasn’t suffered nearly as much as the rest of us run-of-the-mill folks. Now how shallow is that?! I’m actually embarrassed to admit such thoughts, but hey, I try to be as transparent as possible for the sake of my own evolution.

We all know that oftentimes “the beautiful people” get in doors that may be shut to others simply because of their looks. But this beauty, or perceived advantage, can be threatening those around them, and it gives rise to the potential of their being ousted from a group because of it. I’ve witnessed this type of situation and it’s so disheartening. Although it might seem like this is mostly a female trait, I know that it can happen with men, because I’ve seen it. I’ve also known women and men pushed out of careers by from not abiding their boss’s advances. They were punished for their attractiveness. You’d think that it wouldn’t happen in this day and age, but it does.

It all boils down to, as many of my previous posts speak of, getting past our outer casings and letting go of our attachment to them. We need to view ourselves first by who we are at a soul level. By releasing the attachment we have to our own looks, we lesson our attachment to the looks of others, and see them for who they really are. Then you open the capacity to better understand if a threat is actually a threat, or merely a judgmental thought.  And let’s face it, looks change, but the soul that comes shining through our eyes is the most beautiful thing anyone can wear. Don’t you think?

Here’s to you, in all of your beautiful glory.

With Love.

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From Over There:

“Do not be attached to the current standards of beauty thrust upon you. For it is an ever-changing social norm and nothing more. It is not based in reality. The reality of your beauty lies within your willingness to see and be seen, to understand and to be understood, to hear and be heard through the perspective of love. Love is the ultimate expression of beauty. Without a loving heart the physical self is like an empty shell waiting to be filled.”

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Featured Guest: Eva Cassidy

This week’s featured guest is the late Eva Cassidy singing What a Wonderful World. To me it reflects the beauty of her spirit that she so graciously shared while here.

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Boys Will Be Boys

As a woman who has raised an only child – a daughter – I’ve mostly focused on ways that girls and women can rise above the issues of an often misogynistic society. This makes sense, considering that I’m a female who has been responsible for the care and development of another female, but more and more I realize that this focus is only half the battle. What about our boys and men? As women – unless you’ve committed to raising a conscious and aware son – we sometimes forget that the reason for this misogynistic view is in part due to society’s restrictions on what is acceptable in male behavior.

I, for one, must admit to telling a man or two to “man up” when angry over what I felt was a lack of responsible, adult-like behavior on their part. And when thinking back to those instances, yes, I still feel that they should have risen to whatever occasion I deemed acceptable, but now I know that there are better ways to express it. We put such unbelievable pressure on the males in our society to protect us, be strong, financially support us, and so on. And as women, we want them to express their often hidden emotions, but how can they when they’re told from an early age that crying or any expression of vulnerability is a sign of weakness? It’s the same as telling our girls to be strong, powerful women, but at the same time to “be nice and polite so as to not be labeled a bitch”. No wonder we’re all so confused!

It all boils down to, as the message states below, connecting to that bigger part of ourselves – our spirit. Our bodies are ever changing, hormonally chaotic vehicles that are here to house us, move us around the planet, help us maintain the proliferation of our species, and – dare I say – nothing more. While we obviously need to take care of them for optimal comfort and pleasure, pushing aside the need to define ourselves by them will help move us out of the outdated and often harmful gender role constraints we’ve imposed on ourselves. At the end of it all, we’re all in this together, really, and our very existence depends on it.

With Love.

PS. Please check out this week’s Featured Guest, an amazingly powerful documentary in the works that will be released sometime in 2014.

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From Over There:

“Your physical natures are defined by gender, but not your spirit. To live in human form is to embrace the capacities that your given physical form has allowed, yet your spirit-selves know no such limits. It is the evolved being who can combine and make useful the human features of the physical with the boundlessness of the spirit. In doing so, one breaks through the societal restrictions and self-imposed human laws toward the ultimate birthright of enlightenment.”

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Featured Guest: The Mask You Live In

A new documentary brought to us by MissRepresentation entitled The Mask You Live In will be exploring the systemic societal problems caused by toxic masculinity.  The director Jennifer Siebel Newsom interviewed men and boys across the country and what she found was jaw-dropping. She found that although men are dying to speak, they are taught to stay silent. They spend their life wearing a mask that they are taught to never remove. See what happens when they take it off. To learn  more, please visit policymic.com.

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Give 'Em What You've Got

The last few posts have been a bit heavy and this week I wanted to lighten things up a bit. When I “asked” for something nice and inspiring the response I received is the message below. While is does call for us to hold some responsibility for how we act in the world, it also definitely explains why. It some of you this will be no surprise. Obviously, if you treat others with kindness you bring the possibility for receiving the same in return. But taking it a step further it’s explained that by virtue of our interconnectedness, when we treat others with kindness we are, in essence, treating ourselves with kindness as well. Hmm, I like that.

Sending you love from over here and enjoying the bounce back.

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From Over There:

“You are all one and all children of the same being. This being is, in turn, is made up of each and every one of you. Whether viewing life through the physical-self or through the self without limitation – the soul-self – knowing who you are is important in understanding your value and effect on all of creation. You ARE that important, each and every one of you. By treating one another with kindness and compassion, you are giving yourself the same gift. Give kindness generously and the rewards will follow you throughout time.”

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Featured Guest: Stevie Wonder

Just because I happen to be on a bit of a Stevie Wonder bender as of late, and because it’s a great song, here’s For Once in My Life. And you have to admit, the extremely out of sync dancers sure add to the fun!

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